Saying Goodbye To A Dear Friend

Actual Date: Monday, June 20, 2011

A week ago today I said goodbye to one of my very oldest and dearest friends.  21 years ago my Dad brought home two little kittens.  Both black and white.  They were absolutely adorable.  We named them Spottie and Dottie.   

Later in life Dottie went on to move in with my Grandma Helen and lived a completely pampered life.

  Spottie on the other hand was content to live at my parent's, eating dog food (she preferred it over her own cat food).  That was until my Papa retired and started to show signs of Alzheimer's.  At that point I thought it would be good for Spottie to move in with him and keep him company.  Also we wanted to see if he was capable of taking care of himself and a cat.  She lived fat and happy with Papa for about a year.  And I do mean FAT and happy.  Spottie gained a few pounds while living there.  Every time Papa ate, he gave her some food too.  My Parents would buy him food, cook it up, vacuum pack it all in meals and put it in his freezer for him. We finally realized he wasn't able to take care of himself when he went through a months worth of meals in about two weeks.  Papa gave her the name "Princess Spot" and she lived up to that name in every way.

Shortly after we had to move Papa into a Nursing Home Brian and I moved to Texas and we decided to take Spottie with us.  Brian was not a huge fan of cats but he said "Well, she's 14 years old.  That's like a million in cat years.  She can't possibly live much longer.  Right?"  

I think she lived so long just to torture him.  

Spottie was not the most photogenic kitty ever.  In fact the very first picture I posted was the very last picture taken of her and it's the best one I have.  The past two weeks before her passing Spottie was just not herself.  Even though she was 21 she still was very social and active.  

Her favorite thing to do was chase hair ties around.  If she found one of those things she go crazy.  I can't tell you how many times I woke up in the middle of the night hearing something crash around into the walls and doors and when I would get up to see what it was, it was just Spottie throwing a hair tie up in the air and chasing it around.

Like I said though, for the past two weeks she really wasn't coming out of my closet at all.  In the last week she wasn't even coming out to eat or drink.  I was having to take her food to her and if I didn't help her find it she wouldn't even know it was there.  It was becoming clear that she was all of a sudden blind.  I could tell it was making her a nervous wreck because anytime someone would pat her or pet her she would be startled like she didn't even know anyone was there.  At one point Spottie was walking down the hall and Ava was behind her and she just reached down and patted her head and said "Hi Spottie Girl."  And poor little Spottie took off running like something was after her.  She was completely terrified.

  

I felt so bad for her because she used to LOVE the kids.  You would think after 21 years she would learn to stay away from kids and babies but she loved them.  In fact anytime the kids were sick she would be like a nervous Mother pacing in their rooms.  When I was very sick during my pregnancies and had to be on IV treatments at home she would curl up next to me and keep me company during my puking marathons.  She had such a caretaker spirit about her. 

Anywhere we were, she was there too.  Here's Ava showing Spottie the eggs she found on Easter morning this year.

This picture was from about 6 or 7 years ago.  Looking back on these old pictures really makes me realize just how much weight she had lost and how old she was really looking in the last year or so.  She was just bones, 6 pounds and she had really stopped grooming herself.  Her fur was getting oily and started getting knotted.  I had to start brushing her a lot lately.

That picture also reminds me of the new name that Brian gave "Princess Spot" while she was living with us at that time.  She had this awful habit of scratching her nails on our furniture.  Our brand new bed... our couch (I was fine with that, I hated that blue thing anyways!) and our 100 year old piano...  I swear I bought her any kind of scratching post there is and she would not use them.  Brian said "She needs a middle name so we can yell at her properly when she scratching stuff.  That way she'll know she's really in trouble."  So, that's how she got the nickname "Spottie Francis."  It didn't help with the scratching but we got a kick out of it.  

She really was a good cat, besides the whole scratching thing.  She never ever had peed outside the litter box.  She was litter box trained from the day we got her as a kitten.  Well, I guess I shouldn't say never... There was that time she peed on my Dad's head when he was sleeping...

Spottie jump up on their bed and walk up to the top of their pillows (My parent's seriously have like 15 pillows on their bed.  No joke.) and head over to my Dad's side of the bed.  She didn't really think anything of it because she often liked to sleep on top of the pillows.  But a few seconds later she saw my Dad shoot straight up and he was dripping wet.  It took them a minute to figure out what the heck was going on and why my Dad was soaking wet... Spottie had peed on him! 

Still as I sit here telling you this story all I can picture is Spottie thinking in her own little cat way "Nobody puts Princess Spot in a corner."  

So anyways, I had been really worried about her for a good two weeks.  It seemed like she was getting worse everyday.  I spoke with my sweet friend Gina at church, she's a vet.  I wanted to get an honest opinion and I knew she would give it to me.  She was so sweet and let me cry and tell her my story.  She asked if her pupils were dilated big and I told her I had noticed that they were at times.  In fact Ava had just told me the day before "Have you seen Spotties eyes?  They're beautiful!"   

Gina said that it sounded like her blood pressure had shot too high and blew her retinas out, causing her to go blind.

It was so helpful to talk to Gina because going into her appointment on Monday afternoon I was prepared for what the Dr. would say.  He ran some tests and he came up with the same conclusion.  She was completely bind.  He even tried to test her reflexes by pretending he was going to smack her in her face and she didn't even flinch.  In fact she almost walked off the exam table a few times because she had no idea where she was.  

After discussing her behaviors and habits the vet told me that he was not one for prolonging suffering, and that it really wasn't fair to let her live on in fear.  Plus, we will be leaving soon to go on vacation for a month.  How could I possibly leave her feeling so bad and being so scared and confused?  That wouldn't be fair.  A part of me wanted to take her back home to my parents with us this Summer so that we could have her put down there and she could be buried at my Mom's house since that's the place she loved the most.  But the Dr. said that the trip would be too much of a stress on her and it would probably kill her.  I didn't want her to suffer or be scared anymore so I had to do one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

Within minutes I was signing papers giving permission to have her put to sleep.  For months I had been praying that she would just pass on in her sleep on her own and that it wouldn't be up to me to decide when it was time.  Gina comforted me and told me that they hardly ever go on their own, and if I did decide to let her go that it would be a decision made out of love.

And that's ultimately what gave me the strength to go ahead with it.  I couldn't let her go on living in such fear every day.  It had come to the point that she was not enjoying life anymore, she was just enduring it.   

 Saying goodbye to Spottie was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.  Even as I am writing this tears fill my eyes. For the last 21 years she had been there with me through it all.  I was 5 when I got her.  I don't really remember life without her.  She was there during my whole childhood, as I moved on to adulthood, got married, had babies.  She was there for me and comforted me when no one else did or could.  

After she had passed on the vet put her in a box for me and let me bring her home to bury.  Brian dug the hole for me and bless his heart, just when he was almost done, he burst through a pipe.  Water shot up into the air and soaked everything.  He had to run and shut off our water and after two trips to the store, he successfully fixed the broken pipe and was able to finish digging.  

Finally he got Spottie laid to rest and I went out to check on him.  He was a little misty eyed and I asked him if he was ok and he said "Yeah,  I just wish I had been a little nicer to her."  

That's such a life lesson for all of us.  Love on the ones you love, never taking them for granted because you never know how long you'll have them for. 

I had a few weepy days after Monday.  Poor little Ava has been taking it hard.  When she saw me unplugging the litter box and throwing it away the next day she started screaming at me.  "Where's Spottie going to pee when she gets back from Heaven?!"  And then the other day she went grocery shopping with me.  When I opened the trunk to put the grocery in I realized I had left Spottie's crate in there.  Ava spotted it and yelled "Spottie's back from Heaven! Look Mommy, there's her cage!"  She was so excited.  It broke my heart.  I had to tell her that she wasn't in there.  And then she said "Well, when is she coming back from Heaven?"  I told her never, but one day she'll get to see her again when we're all together in Heaven.  Then she just burst out in tears and yelled "But I'm really missing her!"  Right there in the parking lot.  I just scooped her up and held her and we both cried.  

Each day it's getting a little easier.  The first couple days were the roughest.  I was so used to hearing her meow every time I went in my closet to get dressed.  That was Spottie's favorite place and her bed was in there.  The first couple times I walked into the closet and didn't hear her annoying little meow it broke me. 

But I feel so relieved knowing that she's not in pain or fear anymore.  And that she has a new body in heaven, one that's not in pain.  

I think Ava said it best when she told my Mom on Skype "God's taking care of Spottie until we get to Heaven.  She's all better now."  

Thanks for the 21 years of unconditional friendship dear friend.  I will never forget you.